new gw2 elite specializations

majestic-salad:

Guardian: Gundian. You get a pistol, you can now defend people by shooting the offending party before they reach you. Virtue of Gun was added, which allows you to give your allies small guns every few seconds.

Revenant: oh no I mist. You went to the mists and all you got was this lousy rifle. also the new legendary stance is Tybalt Leftpaw and you can only get this specialization if you’re order of whispers. 

Warrior: Hurr Durr Durr Pistol. Lots of adrenaline and already a stack of weapons? what do you need? a gun. congratulations you are now a raging idiot with an intelligence of 6 in armour that’s heavier than the iron legion. with a gun.

Engineer: Bad News™. Everyone has been stealing your beautiful handmade weapons for all these years. time to steal theirs! You gain a staff, because you are now a magic class. except you get no magic powers. so I guess it’s time to tie your pistol to your staff and create a Not Rifle™ which allows you to hit people with a gun from far away. By swinging your staff at them.

Ranger: Hunter. Bows are old and nobody uses those anymore mom, can I please get a rifle? yes! you can now get a great rifle so you can go hunting for sport with your lovely pet! your rifle only shoots tennis balls though, but I guess your dog is happy with that?

Thief: Epic Sax Guy. You get a warhorn. okay guys someone has to be the bard and since mesmer is super scary I guess it’s going to be you. if you get caught stealing you can now play some nice jazzy tunes and hope they hire you for fancy noble parties. You gain new skills such as ‘memes’ and ‘please get out of my house, oh my god no put the gun down’. maybe better to stick with deadeye. your elite skill is now turning into a dinosaur. 

Elementalist: Toph. You gain a new element to attume to: metal! you gain access to fun new spells such as ‘pistol’!* you can now combine the elements to make special weapons, like: fire gun, water gun (fire extinguisher), air gun (fart noises) and earth gun (just throw a rock at them, it’s fine). 
*note that if you use this spell when attuned to an element other than metal, stuff might get weird

Mesmer: Shame. Do illusions bore you? Are you tired of having to look at yourself all the time? People keep wanting you to make portals? ‘who’s on chrono, where’s the portal, why r u such a noob? no-one asks how is the mesmer. you are now this meme.  sometimes it’s just tiring to do magic all the time. You gain a rifle. just a normal one, no magic this time. if someone asks for a portal once more…

Necromancer: Life needs things to live. You now have to make a list of targets to work out during the game. you get one rifle™ that jams every now and then, but good luck anyway. oh and if you don’t keep hunting down that list you might die, just so you know. You do get a nice new shroud though! oh,, that looks a bit scary,, darling take the mask off D:

aka I had an idea at midnight last night, what if everyone had a gun.